The holidays
are often thought of as joyful time of the year, filled with the sights and
sounds of seasonal cheer. Yet for people struggling with the death of a family
member or other loved one, the holidays can be a difficult time.
The pain of
grief can seem even greater because of the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. For
almost two years, families have not been able to gather freely with others,
many traditional holiday events were canceled, and there continues to be
concerns about traveling and safety of COVID-19 exposure.
At a time of
year when many people feel compelled to follow holiday traditions, it can be
important to give yourself permission to do something different, particularly
if you are grieving. Some people find it comforting to be with family and
friends, emphasizing the familiar. Others may wish to avoid old traditions that
might emphasize the loss and to try something new.
Hospice professionals help families cope with
loss throughout the year. The National Hospice and Palliative Care
Organization (NHPCO) offers the following
additional suggestions for coping with grief during the holidays:
·
Plan for the approaching holidays. Recognize
that the holidays might be a difficult time for you. The stress may affect you
emotionally, mentally, and physically. This is a normal reaction. Be prepared
and gentle with yourself.
·
Recognize that the holidays will not be the same. Expecting
everything to seem the same might lead to disappointment. Doing things
differently acknowledges the change in your life but still offers continuity
with the past.
·
Be careful not to isolate
yourself. It is important to take quiet, reflective time
for yourself but also allow yourself the support offered from friends and
family. COVID-19 might prevent you from being together in person, but telephone,
Zoom, or Skype calls can be a way to stay in touch.
·
The holidays may affect other
family members. Talk over your plans and
share your feelings. Respect others’ choices and needs.
·
Avoid additional stress. Decide what you really want to do over the holiday season and
give yourself permission to avoid things you don’t want to do.
·
Be willing to listen to a
friend who is grieving. Active listening from
friends and family is an important step to helping some cope with grief and
heal. And never tell someone that they should get “over it;” instead, give the
person hope that, eventually, he or she will enjoy the holidays again.
·
Follow up after the holidays
to check in. Given the activity of the
season, some people may make it through the holidays without any concerns, but
they might find the post-holiday period to be more difficult. Checking in after
the holidays with friends who are grieving to see how they are doing is
helpful.
NHPCO’s CaringInfo.org website offers more information about coping with grief and loss. Additionally, your local hospice can be a
source of information to help you or a loved one cope with grief and loss or to
find resources in your community. NHPCO’s Find
a Provider tool can help you find a hospice in your area.
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Jon Radulovic has been working on communications for NHPCO since 2003 and for eight years prior to that he was was Hospice Foundation of America.