By Arlene Stepputat, MA
Carla’s mom had been diagnosed with COVID but seemed to be
doing okay. She was managing her
symptoms, resting comfortably and in regular touch with both of her daughters
via text and phone.
In communication with her doctor, she was content to stay in
her home. She really did not want to go
to the hospital and the daily reports of overcrowded and understaffed hospitals
underscored that decision. Her most
important focus was avoiding the isolation--family was incredibly
important.
Twice a day, in the morning and evening, Carla would stop by
her mom’s place to bring meals, visit, and monitor how she was doing. One evening Carla noticed that her mom was
not as well as she had been in the morning.
Her mother felt that she could weather her symptoms and had been in
touch with her doctor. They said their “goodnights” as usual.
Arriving with breakfast the following morning, Carla
discovered her mom had died during the night.
The shock was unimaginable, and Carla immediately attended to the
responsibilities of her mother’s death: she had to call her sister, her
grandmother, and the authorities. All of
this fell on her shoulders amidst the numbness and the grief.
COVID had its lethal grip on everything and everyone. Her
sister and nephew were stuck across the country, unable to fly. Local family
and friends could not gather and comfort one another. As in families all across the world, no
normal grieving process could take place.
Carla was the rock for the family. She orchestrated what she
could to celebrate her mother’s life and like many, a zoom memorial had to
suffice-- it fell far short of the comfort and rituals that typically help
through such difficult times.
The busyness of Carla’s return to work was a distraction to
tamp down the feelings, but grief remained, unattended. When a friend suggested
that Carla might want to participate in a unique and free offering through
NHPCO’s End of Life Doula Advisory Council, Carla agreed to try. She wasn’t
exactly sure what an end-of-life doula was, but she trusted her friend and
realized she needed something to assist and support her.
The NHPCO End of Life Doula Council had been focusing on
educating hospice members and the public about the unique role of an
end-of-life doula. At their monthly
meetings in the Spring of 2020, the Advisory Council watched as COVID created
mounting deaths and devastating grief and realized the healthcare and hospice
system were overtaxed. Offering limited
grief support was something we could do to help.
Carla reported an immediate personal connection with her
doula. She was able to express herself deeply, discovering aspects of her grief
she had hidden. So profound was the healing she experienced in these weekly
discussions with her doula, she began to recommend the program to others in her
circle.
With technology, a phone or zoom call can be offered
anywhere in the country. While COVID deaths were the early focus of the news
reports, the Council has realized that ANY death that occurred during this
time, no matter the cause, has impeded the mourning process for those left
behind. Anyone who experienced a death during this time could receive support.
NHPCO was an active partner in assisting the Council to
design a limited program, recruit seasoned doulas and begin an outreach
campaign to offer the support of 4 free one-hour sessions. An assessment tool was designed for client
feedback. Doulas also were asked to
document what their experience had been with each client they supported.
The pilot program ran from February 1 to April 30 of 2021
and the results were encouraging. Every participant in the pilot completed a
questionnaire and all felt the program was valuable and exactly what they
needed to begin the healing process at a deeper level. The doulas also met via zoom to support one another
and brainstorm ideas and approaches as well as key referrals. All were grateful
to be of service and committed to continuing to serve for an additional 6
months.
With such positive results from the pilot, the NHPCO End of
Life Doula Advisory Council is actively recruiting new clients. To learn more about the program specifics and
to offer this program as a referral for anyone, please go to nhpco.org/doula-grief-support
or email us with questions or comments at EOLDoula@nhpco.org.
-###-
Arlene Stepputat, MA, has been working with death and dying
most of her life. Retired from hospice work, she is an INELDA- trained death
doula and death educator. She has been
an active member of NHPCO for the last 8 years and has served on the End ofLife Doula Advisory Council for the last 3 years. See more at
www.dyingingrace.com.
